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love notes to the monsters

by Sonia Deleo

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1.
turn around, baby it’s all okay how can I tell you that I love you if I can’t see your face turn around, darlin open those eyes it’ll be clear now and it starts here tonight I know I’ve said before that I won’t let you down anymore when they knock on that door put your feet on the floor only you, baby can turn darkness to light you gotta be brave now and please stop this fight everyone’s waitin and they been waiting to long someone else could sing it but babe it’s your song I know I’ve said before that I won’t let you down anymore when they knock on that door put your feet on the floor
2.
Cool runnings she said to you last night Cool runnings please don’t put up a fight Sometimes it ends too soon Just when you thought it was beginning Seems every scene is wasted Thrown on the cutting room floor The story hides inside your body The memory of her skin tied up in undue reverent quiet The taste of salt beneath your tongue Cool runnin’s she said to you last night Cool runnin’s please don’t put up a fight The idea of her stays tightly wrapped in newsprint pages And while you chase what you thought you wanted well, to everybody else it’s clear Cool runnin’s she said to you last night Cool runnin’s please don’t put up a fight I’m goin’ now, I’m goin’ now, I’m goin’ now, I’m goin’ now I’m goin’ now, I’m goin’ now, I’m goin’ now, I’m goin’ now I’m goin’ now, I’m goin’ now, I’m goin’ now, I’m goin’ Wish I could take you along
3.
Do It All 02:49
you better not walk too tall everybody likes it better when you stay small you run run run yeah you run to the bitter end you questions whether running is your foe or your only friend you're too young to know better figure out the future before you grow too old you work work work claw your way up the cold brick wall you break that ceiling but the glass cuts you as it falls you're trying to do it all who made these rules come on, it's me and you we must be fools to think that we can do everything for everyone we wage this war that can't be won let's face the truth we can't do it all they're telling you to behave when you smile you're flirting when you frown you're much too grave so you hide hide hide yeah you lie to yourself instead what you gonna do when all that lying leaves your spirit dead you're trying to do it all speak up shut up too loud not loud enough burn bright hide your light down to earth and out of sight short skirt collared shirt sway the vote know your worth are you in are you out i ain't in or out, still trying to do it all
4.
Two Moons 03:38
Initially the news was like a boulder on my chest But in that same elastic moment I thought This could be the best There’s no telling how I’ll feel or what I’ll do But I’ll hang on tight to them If I can’t hang on to you I spent two weeks praying that you’d leave on your own Cause I knew I would never be whole Again I asked all the questions like why me and why now And is this how it feels When you almost drown But there’s no one here to answer The room is dry and dark It’s clear that only I can patch the whole here in my heart they offer consolation but it washes past my ear Mixed in with the voices are the sounds of my own fear When I say Afterward I watched you floating up beyond the sun And I believed you when you said You understood what I had done Oh
5.
I closed the bathroom door behind me The tears they didn’t wait they were pressing at my eyes the moment I Turned my face away My naked body crumbled to a pile on the mat And I knew without a doubt it was The last time we’d do that I was reaching for you You were reaching for me too I was reaching for you You were reaching for me too An empty house is standing Where a cozy home once stood We both knew it wasn’t awful But my god it wasn’t good I kept thinking I was lonely But you were right there the whole time Walking circles in the hallways Pretending everything was fine I’d have given any damn thing Just to be seen Just to be seen And now I watch you out there And I’m pulling out my hair Trying to figure out how it’s fair That I was reaching for you You were reaching for me too I was reaching for you You were reaching for me too I was reaching I was reaching for you
6.
Walk Until 03:37
It’s true we’ve both been here before Bangin’ into walls we didn’t build Tryna pull the meaning out of everything Desperate for a rescue from the cold I, for one, am tired of giving all I’ve got To somebody whose love I couldn’t find In the end we both know the answer We’re only victims of the crimes of our own mind Oh, my love You can hide your heart from mystery And live up on the surface of your fear Or, my love Come along this trail with me We’ll walk until the path becomes clear It seems you’ve touched my face before Familiar is the refuge of your hands I’ll try not to protect myself from happiness With you around I doubt I even can Truth is often heard before it’s spoken Our bodies telling stories of their own No need to ask the robin where he’s goin’ He only really knows where he’s already flown If this path eventually divides us Our time together changes with the wind Say my darlin’ thank you for the journey Your heart was the best prize that I could win Oh, hold me now And let me breathe you in
7.
Time Stops 02:35
you’re on the road again tomorrow can’t remember the last time that you listened to your mother she’s always telling you to see the signs So I ask you if you’re running You’re too busy to respond Too busy running from each other still hoping that your life is long Time stops Everything you thought you knew is gone All those strung together moments The invention of your loneliness From where you’re standing you can feel it the room is humming all in time She's in the front row for a second suddenly the lights all fade to white is it a blessing in disguise will you open up your eyes and realize
8.
Monsters 03:34
There are monsters in the moonlight They’ve got mud beneath their nails They’ve been crawling up the cold banks Of this river that you sail Now they’re killing all the townsfolk Taking them out one by one The only way to stop them Is to look straight at the sun Oh, you’re running hard Yeah you’re trying to outrun the wind But the answer is here and the coast is clear And you’re never going back again There are strangers in the alley Come to show you who you are Screaming in another language Painting poetry on cars They beat mallets on your eardrums While you’re shackled to deceit Say ‘now look inside your pocket all along you’ve had the key’ There are angels in the desert Playing a game of hide and seek All you’ve got to do to find them Is to wake up from your sleep They move quietly around you Dusting cobwebs off your eyes Fold origami out of memories Til there’s nothing left but sky There are monsters in the moonlight They’ve got mud beneath their nails
9.
Surrender 03:55
It’s the end of the line for me Can’t think of no more ways to fight So will you follow me recklessly We’ll go far away Oh so far away It’s cold Yeah it’s really cold And my hands they’re tired from grasping Oh it’s cold It’s really cold And there’s nothing left where I’m standing So I surrender Now you’ve taken to whispering Your voice is caught in your throat again So you wash your hands of this struggle and You go far away Oh so far away It’s cold Yeah it’s really cold And your mind can’t see past the ending Oh it’s cold Yeah it’s really cold And there’s nothing left where you’re standing So you surrender We’re done scratching our eyes out The enemy lies down Before us in fear And we give up our names for The sake of each other Scream “never again!” And it’s cold Yeah it’s really cold And we’re never quite sure where we’re going Oh it’s cold Yeah it’s really cold And there’s nothing left where we’re standing So we surrender

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released September 23, 2022

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Sonia Deleo Calgary, Alberta

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